I was one of those kids that when something new got brought into the house, perhaps in a giant box that comes with 4 manuals and several dozen other papers indicating how important this piece of equipment was and how you should definitely read the instructions so I did what EVERYONE DOES: I read them front to back before starting. My mother on the other hand was one of those very hands on people who could usually put together anything that came in a large box EVEN if it came with 4 different manuals because that’s just how she works, and why I don’t sleep at night.

As I grew older I started, and I have a hard time writing this even now, skimming the instructions. I would still look at all the pictures and maybe glance over the bolded words, possibly even the parts that are written in caps such as “ATTENTION” or “WARNING” and never skip a “WILL VOID WARRANTY”.

Yesterday I was opening up a packet of some vitamin supplements that you can sprinkle in water and presto change-o you get INSTA-ELECTROLYTES. I glanced at the little pictures on the back of the packet and wondered how anyone could mess this up. Big mistake. I pour the packet into the water, I surf the web for funny cat videos while waiting (wait a whole 2 minutes for a drink to fizz? I think not). After more than 2 minutes (I got distracted) I reach for the cup only to discover that the powder has accumulated at the bottom of the cup in a disgusting gel paste concoction. What do I do? Yell at the cup, break up the chunks and chug it. Turns out I had SKIMMED a bit too much and had failed to grasp the precise technique needed to achieve a satisfactory outcome with my INSTA-ELECTROLYTES. There were actually no instructions, merely two diagrams. I HAD SKIMMED OVER TWO DIAGRAMS.

I forgot to stir.

I’m on the 7th floor of a giant building that spans a squillion meters and every afternoon at precisely 4pm the most obnoxious ice cream truck music starts playing. I COULDN’T EVEN REACH IT EVEN IF I TRIED. I don’t even like ice cream, I just want what I can’t have. There. I said it.

Why is it that the moment I shut down the laptop and am already halfway through patting myself on the back for an early night I all of a sudden remember that life altering, mind blowing, earth shattering and most of all TERRIBLY IMPORTANT thing that I must do with not only the laptop on but ALSO connected to the internet.

I like the gym, I find exercising to be somewhat calming and it gives me time to think. I feel like its kind of a adventure with a nice start and end. My ideal journey goes something like “Drive down until you hit Feel the Burn Drive and make a left at Sweaty Brow Avenue you’ll reach Feel Good Road after about 30 minutes.” What it has been feeling like lately is “Drive down to Collapsing Calf Way and head towards Lung Burn Lane, if you see White Stars Street you’ve gone too far.. waaaay too far.”

How does one pronounce Mysla?

It sounds something like: “Meese” the word for more than one mouse, and la as in lalalalala I can’t hear you trying to convince me that meese isn’t a real word.